New Year, New Me?
I'm not normally one for setting New Year's Resolutions, no one ever sticks to them anyway and I don't believe I need to become a new person every 12 months. 2021 was a big year for me though, my whole world shifted (again) when I had my second baby in August. Anyone who has had a baby knows how the experience throws your whole life balance off-kilter. The last few months of our family life have been chaotic (in the best way), but the new year seems like the perfect time to try to get a bit of order and structure back again, so this year I decided to set goals for the year (I'm not calling them resolutions, because I'm stubborn!)
Goal #1: Reset the house
We've lived in our house for nearly 5 years now. I love our home; it had all of our must-haves and most of our nice-to-haves when we found it. It's been the only home our kids have ever known and we're very happy here. BUT, we've not really done anything to it - the odd lick of paint and some work in the garden - and I'd love to put more of our personality into this house. We got pregnant a few months after we moved in, so we've been focusing on the living part, meaning the house has become what it needs to be to serve our needs, but there's so much untapped potential in our space that I'd love to focus on now.
This year I want to curate our spaces so that we thrive in them instead of just live in them. I want to decorate with intention, make sure everything that we keep in our home has a purpose and feel like our home works for us as a whole family.
Goal #2: Worry less
I'm an anxious person, that's no secret to anyone that knows me, and I have no issue with being open about it. The past couple of years have been tough on everyone, and mental health has become a hot topic as a result. Having mental health challenges before the pandemic has meant that everything that was there before has been heightened and magnified to a new degree (my poor family), and I found that having a child during that time period compounded a lot of stuff for me.
I have found that my health anxiety has reached all new heights and worrying has once again become something that is consuming my life, so it's time to get back in the driver's seat and take control. That might mean revisiting counselling, and potentially even medication again, but the first step has been admitting that it's time to get help rather than struggling through stubbornly.
Goal #3: Parent mindfully
Having a second child has been a bigger uphill struggle than I anticipated; I knew it wouldn't be easy but the challenge has still managed to catch me off-guard. I love my children more than life itself, and I wouldn't be without them, but the relentlessness of having two children has bought a level of mental exhaustion to my life that I didn't know was possible. This has meant a significant lowering of standards as I live in survival mode from day to day, and a much shorter fuse.
Obviously, this isn't somewhere I want to be long-term, either for my sanity or for my children's development, so I'm aiming to get back to a place where I feel like I'm parenting proactively rather than reactively. It's going to be a lot of work, and a shift in mindset, but it's the most important work I'll ever do so it's worth the effort.
Goal #4: Read more
I'm a big reader, always have been. It's a big part of how I relax, and also a great coping mechanism for my anxiety. Having two kids means there's not as much time for reading as there used to be, but I've come to realise that actually, that's not my biggest issue when it comes to how much I read. The main problem is my focus' it's easier to binge-watch crappy TV or scroll through Instagram. I say I have less spare time available to me, but I reckon I lose at least half-hour a day to Instagram and Facebook, so how much more could I read if I spent that time with a book instead?
I'm aiming for more self-discipline when it comes to how I spend my time, in the hope that I'll feel like I'm focusing more of my time on me as an individual, and that self-care isn't something that's taken a backseat for me.
I've seen a lot of people on social media setting a word for the year. If you add all of my goals together, I think the overarching theme is that I want to live with a bit more INTENTION behind my actions. Instead of fumbling around day-to-day reacting to what's going on around me, I want to make mindful decisions about how I parent my children, what comes into my home (and leaves it), how I spend my time and how I treat myself.
So there you have it, 2022 is going to be my year of intention. I'm not putting any pressure on myself though, because even if I manage to do part of what I've set out here it'll put me in a better place than I am right now. There's nothing wrong with who I am right now, so I'm not aiming for a new me, I'm just aiming for a simpler version of the life I already have. Perfection is NOT the aim here, progress is. Change is not the aim here, improvement is.
